Friday, October 30, 2009?
it has been a great 1 and a half day for me :)
lets hope i dun screw it up.
maybe during the time of her absence i should do some work instead of playing prolific.
Thursday, October 29, 2009?
decided to skip sch again ..
but going to sch for 2 hours to do my own stuff is just boring ..
might as well save the money and stay at home.
i really really have to do work today..
be it at home or outside.
hope today is a happy day.
the msged i recieve this morning really cheered me up.
it has come to a point where i just wish i can be happy. thats all
TOMORROW JENNIFERS BOOTAE !!!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009?
awake at a weird hour ...
at least im energized now ...
i think i should start work now ...
need to think of ideas ...
and fast ..
time is short now ..
its sad to say that im getting jealous at other couples again ..
im getting lonely again ..
well sch is shit ...
maybe need to start rushing work from tmr or smth ...
feel like getting high one of these days...
gonna start working out soon..
get some mooskle.
for real this time.
threatened, then bluffed. i thought when u made plans u will push everything away.
im always the last resort.
i feel so cheap for being always available.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009?
i dunno what to say bout monday ....
neglecting sch too many days ...
sometimes it seems no matter what i do it is never correct .
maybe im still treating her like how she was potraying herself as then ...
i just suck ..
think think think think think think think.....
1. physical appearance is important, just that some ppl say it out and some ppl dun.
ive met both kind.
2. always doing the wrong things, always ...
3. will there truly be a FULL happy day for me ?
4. pessimist always wins. fuck all optimistic ppl, doom shall fall upon u and ull never see it coming.
5. pessimist = pragmatic
6. concern for u = annoying u (parents know that)
my classmate just informed me that
I ONLY HAVE 2 WEEKS LEFT TO DO MY ISP !!
not going to sch for 5 days straight is a very very very bad idea ...
now i have to work like a dog ...
guess its time for the hardwork genious's return..
ill try to do as much today but will need some slp ..
its sad to say that such important things are mentioned by a casual classmate,
not those im close with in class.
its time like this that lets me differenciate hi bye from close friends.
not sleeping was a bad idea too.
i miss someone :(
sometimes i just expect too much ...
wait .. maybe not ...
i just cant stand the way she pushes me away subconciously. bet she didnt even notice.
o well ...
im trashed ..
gonna slp NAO
sch was shit today.
but, a wee bit progressive.
Sunday, October 25, 2009?
mixed feelings now ...
maybe it is better to just live with it and see how it goes..
then forcing an answer, or a choice.
im so trashed now.
but waiting for 11am to give a morning call..
then play abit of game and wait for 1pm
at least i know that will keep my mind from pondering ..
even though i often look at the bench and picture that u're there.
reading, playing psp and once in awhile u'll be smiling at me.
prolly able to get some slp on my way there..
i love how i've written my blog last time ...
everything is so unclear, yet only my brain can decode them.
i know exactly what happened but yet it isnt written there.
its quite .... smart .... lol ...
or just ive written stuff that trigger my memory to remember.
i forget stuff easily.
guess i have high IRR
interpersonal reflective smth or idk what. lol
ok back to rotting.
its weird how i would post more and more regularly,
like more then a post a day....
seems like the morning call was in vain
recently everything i guess and assume eventually turn out otherwise.
maybe being pessimistic is still better.
feel like seeing her :(
off to soccer now
Saturday, October 24, 2009?
i found myself smoking more and more recently ...
it seems like there's nothing more i can do ...
but to watch her slowly fade away...
first time in so many months i actually dreamt of her ..
ive just managed to finish reading my blog ...
like from 2004 post ..
all the retarded post.
all the useless rants.
guess qiu rong is right ..
guess my sister is right ..
i should let things cool down ...
i always want an answer, a solution.
i put an end to stuff way too quickly...
guess reading about my past did help me find myself back a little ..
lets just see how it goes ...
am i back to square one ?
or will this story have a arc
write to the producers for me.
Friday, October 23, 2009?
guess it still didnt work out in the end.
if only things had work out differently.
but its always been me.
while untagging all our photos the 5 months we had just flash right past me ..
all the good memories we had ..
but guess this is now all of the past ..
at least the truth has been revealed.
no more lies.
no more hiding.
no more ...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009?
She contacted me and met me on 2/31 night.
It's all so sudden but I liked it :P
she stayed over for 2 nights and she left for school this morning.
now the question is when will i see her again.
guess I better dun get ahead of myself yet.
I'm still single anyways ...
but we had a fun time ..
my work is fucking piling up ..
im very very sure i wont be able to sleep for the next 2 nights
cos i need to rush my work.
i woke up at 6pm ..
so ya .. im screwed ..
lets hope tonight i have amazing productivity.
but its not like i have a choice.
i must have.
Monday, October 12, 2009?
Waiting for 11 November 09 .....Day 2/31This alot harder then i expected.
to lose contact for a month..
I still can't concentrate on anything im doing,
everywhere i go everything i do reminds me of her.
can't even go to a party or play a game without thinking about her.
this is .... sigh ......
visiting her facebook profile is the only way left for me to know what has she been doing,
yet she's not updating.
I think to myself whether without me in her life can really bring her happiness.
i fear that our last kiss was in the park near her hs ...
I fear that throughout this month she will get over me.
I hope all this is not an excuse to put me down softly.
what i would do just to see u again ....
i was so bored at home so i went out to eastpoint to have a walk.
its weird how i know that i wont see cherlie around simei that this point of time but i still look at places she would go and places we have went.
I am quite proud of myself.
I have managed to supress every urge i have to msg her today
and still going strong.
i was still having doubts bout being able to last a month.
now i believe i can do it.
Just hope after a month she will give me a chance.
finally I can settle my mind down and do my accessment work.
hope it isnt too late.
the next few days im gonna spend a lot of time alone.
to do work.
Labels: Waiting for 11 November 09 .....
Sunday, October 11, 2009?
this past 5 months has now seem like a dream to me.
if u would read my april 09 posts,
that night at mahjong, i met this amazing girl.
it wasnt love at first sight for me. but as i got closer, i started to fall in love.
even when i write this now, it hurts.
the pictures above are of the past few months.
the day we got together
stupid webcam face
but now ....
it is all over.
i said stupid shit which no boyfriend should say.
in fact no one should ever say.
i did stuff that no one should ever do.
to my beloved.
she is now pushing me away.
she wants space.
she says that she is having a very good time after we broke up.
I've controlled her too much.
I've been too stubborn.
I've been ignorant.
I've been neglectance of her feelings.
broke up 2nd day.
: I need time to recover from what u said to me.
broke up 4th day.
: you're too sticky, i need space.
broke up 6th day.
: it's always been ur fault, i dun want to be in ur life while u're changing. When u have change then come back, then we might work things out.
this pass few days was a disaster.
i'm the cause of it.
but which exbf who loves their ex gf wouldnt try hard everyday to get the only person that matters back into his life.
but im too sticky.
she says im not the person i used to be. im not the person she just met. she thought i was sensible. the only reason is because im a virgo. she said I can wait if i want if not i can move on.
i was crying my heart out for 10 mins on phone to her. I said "hello?" she said "im dozing off"
its sad, when i have to lose her before i notice all my mistakes.
and its always the case when i want to change. its too late....
she was my companion, my friend, my love.
and its all gone now.
it hurts so much that i cant put down in words.
several time i just feel like screaming into the pillow and just die.
but i cant.
i must win her back
in one month of today.
11 November 2009 Wednesday.
I'm going back to her. As a better person, an old me yet new.
try to be similar to the guy she just met.
1 month of giving her peace.
giving her all the social life ive taken away from her.
all the time to study.
All the time she wants.
to forgive my actions, my words, my stupidity.
i pray when the day comes, she would want to see me, and that she still loves me.
theres low possibilty.
but now, i can only hope.
I've did everything i can verbally. and now is the time that i prove it in action.
sadly even if we get back we will not be as close anymore.
but i would rather have 1 day in a week for me then none of it at all in my life.
I cant live without her.
what have i done .....
ego and pride. in exchange lose her. not worth it.
I will change myself back into the sensitive guy i was.
not the confident guy i want to be.
because of that. i neglected the one thing that i cared for.
now i must lose contact with her for 1 month to get her back,
and hopefully a miracle happen. that she would want to get back with me.
losing her will be the biggest regret and biggest mistake in my life. i might not be able
not love again. it is this serious.
ill put my daily rants here.
keep it updated.