this past 5 months has now seem like a dream to me.

if u would read my april 09 posts,

that night at mahjong, i met this amazing girl.

named cherlie.

it wasnt love at first sight for me. but as i got closer, i started to fall in love.

even when i write this now, it hurts.

the pictures above are of the past few months.

the day we got together

stupid webcam face

2nd mnth

transformer movie.

but now ....

it is all over.

i said stupid shit which no boyfriend should say.

in fact no one should ever say.

i did stuff that no one should ever do.

to my beloved.

she is now pushing me away.

she wants space.

she says that she is having a very good time after we broke up.

I've controlled her too much.

I've been too stubborn.

I've been ignorant.

I've been neglectance of her feelings.

I've regretted.

broke up 2nd day.

: I need time to recover from what u said to me.

broke up 4th day.

: you're too sticky, i need space.

broke up 6th day.

: it's always been ur fault, i dun want to be in ur life while u're changing. When u have change then come back, then we might work things out.

this pass few days was a disaster.

i'm the cause of it.

but which exbf who loves their ex gf wouldnt try hard everyday to get the only person that matters back into his life.

but im too sticky.

hopeless romantic..

she says im not the person i used to be. im not the person she just met. she thought i was sensible. the only reason is because im a virgo. she said I can wait if i want if not i can move on.
i was crying my heart out for 10 mins on phone to her. I said "hello?" she said "im dozing off"

its sad, when i have to lose her before i notice all my mistakes.

and its always the case when i want to change. its too late....

she was my companion, my friend, my love.

and its all gone now.

it hurts so much that i cant put down in words.

several time i just feel like screaming into the pillow and just die.

but i cant.

i must win her back

in one month of today.

11 November 2009 Wednesday.

I'm going back to her. As a better person, an old me yet new.

try to be similar to the guy she just met.

1 month of giving her peace.

giving her all the social life ive taken away from her.

all the time to study.

All the time she wants.

to forgive my actions, my words, my stupidity.

i pray when the day comes, she would want to see me, and that she still loves me.

theres low possibilty.

but now, i can only hope.

I've did everything i can verbally. and now is the time that i prove it in action.

sadly even if we get back we will not be as close anymore.

but i would rather have 1 day in a week for me then none of it at all in my life.

I cant live without her.

what have i done .....

ego and pride. in exchange lose her. not worth it.

I will change myself back into the sensitive guy i was.

not the confident guy i want to be.

because of that. i neglected the one thing that i cared for.

now i must lose contact with her for 1 month to get her back,

and hopefully a miracle happen. that she would want to get back with me.

losing her will be the biggest regret and biggest mistake in my life. i might not be able

not love again. it is this serious.

ill put my daily rants here.

keep it updated.