Sunday, November 08, 2009?
guess my prayers have been answered
but it is to end my torment.
within hours i have looked on the brightside.
this time, no more false hope, no more love and no more chance.
guess i have been trying too hard.
its only time to live in regret.
but later in the evening is our final meeting as a ex couple.
well, at least i know it was coming.
i knew that the moment i have said those harsh things to her it was the end.
lets just list down some errors.
1) not all girls enjoy stickiness
2) i did not trust my ex gf enuf.
3) i did not believe in her enough to let her go out without worrying.
4) no matter what, accept all flaws. That is love.
5) If i truly do not mind her past, dun ever use it against her. It shatters the trust immediately.
6) Breaking up is a taboo word, no matter what dun say it out of impulse and think clearly do u really want to break up.
7) no matter what, put her feelings as number 1.
8) if your girlfriend loves u, they wont cheat on u no matter what. so let them have fun, dun worry bout them.
9) always date someone long enough before engaging in a relationship.
10) it has been and still is my policy, never hide ur sadness to ur partner, unless u intend to hide it forever and stomach it or it would become a time bomb.
11) always differenciate honeymoon period and what happens after that, partner might become 2 different person.
12) when ur partner starts lying to u, dun always thing that something bad is happening or that she might be cheating on u. maybe the fault is on ur own.
13) do not live ur relationship on obligations, do it because u love the person and u want to see them happy.
the above factors are all the problems that have occured with my 5th.
be it me or her.
but i have stepped over the threshold and have no longer any chances.
guess its game over for me.
if only i had another credit. :x
im the sweetest and the most bitter. o well, im no longer her best.
"as long as she is happy"
"dun cry because it is over, be happy because it has happened"
"she is a sensible person"
these are some of the quotes that is keeping me from going all emo.
still im sad that from now on ill have to live my life in regret.
from now on its hard to love another person anymore, might take months or even years for this to heal..
and even longer for me to find another.
my 6th girlfriend, ill treat her the best, from all the past mistakes i have learn, ill never hurt another girl like i did before.
lets just see how many years is that gonna take.
im prolly be old and will be looking for a stable life then.
its not that i dun wanna keep my promise, she doesnt want to be with me anymore. she stated it very clear that no matter what i do or what i say, or even if no one wants her, she will never be together with me. because of all the fear and hurt and uncertanties i have injected into her.
now im gonna make a short list of these 35 days of breakup, what have i change. pft .. i didnt even make it till 11 november. such a loser.
1) i have greatly reduce my temper. in fact. i wont flare up anymore. argumentative maybe but never angry.
2) i have learn to give space
3)i have learn to cherish a relationship
4)i have learn to accept all flaws instead of changing them to my liking.
sadly the most vital one is still in process, but guess i cant practise anymore, i've fucked up because of this very last thing.
to trust and believe.
if only i were to enforce this earlier.
but o well.
well. lets see how the final chaper goes, hope it isnt too shabby.
i might not be able to romance her anymore but i wont make it a fucked up ending.
like all my love stories, they are a failure, and have a ironic ending.
1st. after waiting 1 and a half years, she ended up with someone else and broke her promise.
2nd. after a long struggle she still ended up with someone else. and broken up soon after i left.
3rd. is a fucking joke.
4th. i made a selfish decision for her to chose between 2 guys, including me ofcos, she didnt choose. and i left. in the end she left the other guy a few days later.
5th. i betrayed her trust and shattered her hope. but hope the epilogue is good.
guess this is it.
thx all readers.
keeping up with all my daily rants.
this story is about to come to an end, and my boring life will continue.
1930 later today will be the final meeting.
ill update.
i feel that if it turns out good it will be another long post.
so much for my happy ending.
i threw this away.
i smell another lonely christmas, new year and valentine.
0635
