its officially the last day of 09
so many stuff had happened.
hope everyone will enjoy their countdown wherever they are
and hope a totally gruesome death will fall upon u guys :)

danny updated me on some stuff
apparently, im not a single bit happy about the downfall of the relationship
of one of my exgf, in fact i feel very upset and affected. just wish i could be there
but ... ya ...
i do still miss her .. a lot .. but o well .. love dun just go away like that ..

it might just be a poor speculation but i didnt expect too much good from that guy anyways, he left her for another girl a few years back. dun really wish to bad mouth him anymore, pointless.


i really hope tmr will be a enjoyable day, it will be the so called last fun day im gonna have till school reopen. need to settle down on these night life shit already. complexion is like .. CUI..


new year new target but SAME OLD RESOLUTION..
GET A GF AND THIS TIME DUN SCREW IT UP
get drivers license by june or at least end of the year if anything corks up
study hard
etc etc etc . list still under construction..
its time to sleep guys !
been awhile since i slept " early "
like before 8am

k chow :)

0141

as the year is coming to an end ...
so is the time for havoc and fun ...

I hate worries about life ...
everything is resuming ...
all the routines and all the loads of bullshit ..

school's reopening soon too ..

on another note ...


i passed my FTT :D
best thing is i did not study for it :D
im so Hawesome lol ..

and i spent like 700 + dollars booking 11 practical lessions
bout time i really start driving eh ..

i wish when school reopens ill have the rush to study ..

0717

im freaking tired now .. its retarded to not sleep when i have an etrial today..

was bored so i took time to read my october - december post..
towards december i got really really long winded, stupid getting over process.

i have a chao ta index finger now lol.
burnt myself trying to light and sniff a finished bottle of liqour

met this girl and want to know her better but ben told me that he's interested too and i should let him since its only quite recent that i had a gf but he has been single..
o well ..
i agreed .. haha ..
he better succeed.

neways this unhealthy lifestyle is making my complexion very very bad..
i might spend some time to deal with my pimples !
screw u pimples !

update later or smth :)
bubye

0918

im still lazy to go to the nafa registration website.
maybe tmr .. lol ..


maybe there will be a day, when i just lose faith..
im already beginning to.

im so bored !

1828

end of another day coming ..
dad bought a pair of dr martens.

watching 40 year old virgin on ch 5 now :D

o well ..
lots of things coming up in the next few days.
hope shit doesnt happen.

2336

Merry Christmas !

hope everyone enjoyed their countdown !
surely there will be one or two unlucky souls who didnt enjoy their time but hope you werent one of them ...



my eve was ok ..
nothing special ..
going to prepare now and meet some peeps at town.
chow ..

1718


christmas eve ... still not feeling christmas vibes .. o well ..
should have gotten some sleep yesterday..
im feeling quite zombie now ...

lets hope later is fun :)

wish everyone a merry christmas.

1700

i think ill just do it near the end of the year,
its not wise to bring my worries and trouble to a new year.

outcome doesnt matter anymore.
the time for miracles and hopes are long over..

1629

its been about 1 and half month now.
why does it still bring tears to my eyes everytime i think of her..

this is something new ..
maybe she really is the last one ..
just maybe ..

0421

actually planned to watch avatar but apparently everywhere is sold out zzz
so ended up slacking awhile and went cine met up with some of yuki's friends..

ill just end here.
cause i got a feeling ........
woo hoo uuu~~
lol ....

0043


i just bought guitar hero game :D
now i got 2 guitar 1 mic and 1 drum !!
anyone jamming session ? lol

weird, there's a change in her msn offline nick,
meaning she came online.. just cant figure out how it happened,
didnt she block and deleted me off friend list ?
some msn glitch maybe .. she wont just unblock me for no reason hmmm..
all i know is she logged in her windows.. windows msn forgot that she blocked me ?

o well .. gonna bathe and guitar hero ...
awesomeness ..

2138

christmas is coming ... sian ...
think i need to do some christmas shopping soon..

1903

christmas is coming ... sian ...
think i need to do some christmas shopping soon..

i ended up not going out ... only to tampines and eastpoint area for errands ...
i really really dun wanna rot my life away anymore ...

the year is coming to an end ...
this year is definitely one to remember ..

i have lots to say yet no one wanna listen to .
o well ..
its about time i leave my friends alone .

im still quite sore . its just that i dun wanna trouble those who were there for me anymore.
my thoughts are unimportant to them anyways..

0024

today seems like a short day for me..
even though I have been out since afternoon still feels like I haven been out for long

and ok my dad just forced book me to a DnD for my aunties dunno what..
dinner with a bunch of people i wont even talk to zzz

sigh there is a question in my mind ..
yet im too lazy to post it on facebook
so i shall just leave it here..

What is getting over someone ..
forgetting about the person totally ?
it doesnt hurt when u think about that person ?
nothing will remind u of that person anymore ?

i ask myself every once in awhile
when will i get over her, would i ever..
even though she is not my first but .. the feeling seems so different.
i just do not know what is getting over someone anymore ..

0128

firstly why is there fucking ads on my blog ?

played soccer at ecp today.
hungry as hell now.
missed dinner and went to slp

why would people encourage me to live a hypocritical life
i only want to be who i am.

sometimes i really wish they would be more understanding..

0304

I have made many wrong choices in my life.
im not sure about this one
but its life changing ..
the moment i wake up tomorrow im gonna start planning on it.

it needs to be a swifty one and lots of information gathering.
its selfish but in exchange for freedom, it might be worth it.

i've had enough low blows from him.

0651

arghghgh

home from zouk out ..
zouk out was fun :D
it really beats normal clubbing by a mile ..

not to brag but i got like 4 numbers lol
but im not intending to call or keep in touch with any of them
why ? cos im fucked up ..

fucked up thing happened.
got 2 numbers is from a same group of friend and I msged the one i was interested
and end up when i told her to meet me half way and when i saw her i then realised i was msging with the wrong girl the whole time
and definitely her friend knows.
so ya hahahaha

the rest is just ..
not feeling it ..


well its a good thing i got drunk before i got in.
i became ... more friendly ... and have balls to talk lol ..


anyway im not sure should i go soccer later or should i enjoy breakfast and sleep my sunday away ..
hmmm
lets see how it goes ..



i wanna say something ..
these 3 words keep floating in my head as i see people walking around drunk and fat chicks dancing like an octopus (random) basically just people watching at 7+am when im sober

"motive, deception, lies"

idk ..

alright
MEEGORENG

0948

it sure feels like a long time since i last updated ...
well its only been one day i guess ...

Have lots of drinks yesterday ..
got drunk puked .. the usual ..

met up with joel to get zouk out tix for tmr .. :D
wonder would i have fun tmr ..
neways i just watched finish ET
for the first time .. haha ..

cant believe i actually didnt watch ET before eh ?



Guess ill keep today's post short ..
Hope zouk out isnt a disappointment.


I need to stop living in the shadows of my past.
But it just seems so hard to get over.
Even if i get a tint of love in the future.
I'll still not get over.
That is how much i love her.

0359

*long post incoming




ok i ended up watching sex drive and not sleeping yet. wtf . i THINK im quite tired now and I'm not sure why i ended up posting a post again.

I was talking to alicia on msn just now ... ended up thinking a lot of crap again ..

first off .. I wonder why am i putting a tough front in front of people.
ego ? pride ? or is it just a mean of being accepted in the society?
at times i really want to speak how i truly feel, but the fear of being judge and discriminated in the society just eats into me.
so i, or we in general ends up comprimising with what everyone is doing.

I recently saw this behind the scene thing of a movie that is centered around a child blah blah blah i cant remember the movie but ..
it mentioned smth quite interesting.
its about how a child, will always do things without thinking, they will just do it. and us adult will think before we act.

its because of adults, as time goes by, we accumilate expirience and regrets and thus holding us back from doing stuff.

im not saying its a good saying but i like it.

I believe i'm far too young to be held down by this but i am.
these are the cons of being pessimist + pragmatic i guess.
If u are afraid to risk, u'll end up not doing anything .


sometimes i hate to be sober..
If only i was confident and gutsy when i am sober ..
its cool how i dun think that much when im tipsy or drunk


but o well i intend to die at my prime.
28-35 maybe ?

haha ..
not like anyone will miss me ..
or maybe the same old cliche shit will happen ..
people will only miss my presence when im really gone ..


O before i forget ..
have u guys ever had a sweet dream and realised that it was a dream and forced urself awake ?
sounds weird ? I have . just last night ..

i was dreaming of one of my ex and i was enjoying myself so much that somehow i manage to have the ability to think and realised that i was in a dream and was like OFUCK IMGONNA WAKE UP ALL EMO AGAIN and forced myself awake. so yeah ..
ok retarded .

I have been screaming and crying inwards recently ..
yes ... again ... wtf ...


last note.
to anyone who has actually made it reading this far *salute.
u really do care for me :D

ok, if u had an argument with ur other half. and u're pissed off with him or her.
He/she is desperately trying to do the right thing and is so desperate about it and
yet at the same time he/she is doing all the wrong things and pushing u further and further away. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

dun hint, dun assume, JUST SAY.
just tell them what to do if u really care for them
I dun know how many people can actually understand what im saying here but millions and MILLIONS of people have made this same mistake.

some times when u are so desperate, so needy. u tend to be blinded by love, and end up doing all the wrong things. when that happens u'll end up doing more and more wrong things, and eventually will cause the inevitable break up.

if only we aren't that oblivous when we are in a relationship.
in short.
love is blind.

I've ranted enough.
the moment i wake up. Im gonna get high and prepare for zouk out.

0617

today is just one of those random moodless days ...

accompanied my sis to tamp in the morning to get her new iphone .
feeling more and more depress each day ..
I dun even want to put down in words anymore ..

no one will understand ..
its been awhile since i said shit like this but ...
its true i guess ..

2355

omg im so dead ...
as much as I'd like to rant about other boring stuff I believe this shit is much more serious.

while i was at bugis today I saw grayson and we talked abit and he told me that the school result was out.

when i got home i checked my studentnet only to find out that I failed 5 fucking modules
FIVE GODDAMIT !!
its no fucking joke ..

this is really bullshit ...
i've sent an email to the school regarding what is going to happen..
im so dead im so dead im so dead .. !!! .. !!!

I really should have done my work properly rather then saving a relationship that failed eventually.

sigh .. all the hard work .. has gone down the drain ...
all of them ..
sigh ... i feel like a super failure now ..
everything around me is starting to fall apart again ..

i wanted shit to spice up my life abit .. and i definitely got it ..
fml ...

2226

just home for awhile ...
nuaing on my bed fantasizing about sleeping ..

i probably shouldnt have done this but i went for a mahjong game at robin's house..
lost 19 bucks lol ..

cycled there and back ..

i need to go prepare in like 10 mins to go sch for deferment letter
those office admin bitch say they need 2-3 working days to produce a fucking deferment letter .
by hook or by crook i really need to make them spit out the deferment letter later asap so i can make it for my appointment at cmpb with some inspector at 10.

o well ..

im tired as hell ..
my mind still have images of the past surfacing every now and then :(
when will it leave me alone ..

0745


i just reached home not long ago ... im so trashed right now .. but blogging is healthy for the soul lol ..

anyway today turned out more smoothly then i expected, the letter was ready for collection immediately and the cmpb inspector turns out to be a very nice guy lol ...

i actually intended to watch movie with faz and yuki but for some reason i ended up going to bugis to meet danny for awhile ..
nothing much really happened .. just rot abit at the arcade ..
and spend 30 bucks on cab far in the morning haha ..


today i was able to get like 6 hours of alone time outside, and made me think about those stuff again .. was feeling tired + emo most of the time today .. sadded .. i kinda think i wont be able to get over her for some reason .. i sorta spent 30mins day dreaming that one day i wake up before the 30th september, no details needed but it wasnt a good day. and prolly another 20mins thinking about the long bullshitty msg im gonna send her, purely on apology ofcourse ..
and planning when will it be most appropriate ..
its gonna be the last msg i send her for a very long time .. so ya i gave serious thoughts about the contents.

there is no such thing as "the one"
"the one" is cultivated.
just that some people are far from the ideal "type" doesnt mean he/she isnt the one.
so as long as one get the mentallity of he/she is not the one, the relationship will come to a halt.
cause there will no longer be comprimising, and nothing will work out.
people who appears to be "the one" are just someone who are very ideal to what u want ur partner to be like.

and thus i conclude that please work things out, never give up.
"the one" is made. not destined if not why are we always adjusting ourself for our partners needs. Well unless u are selfish u wont.

that is sorta the end of today's long winded post.
alone time makes me think a lot.
and im not sure whether this issue is subjective or not, call me stubborn or what. Im standing by my laws. As long as one did not betray my love, ill always give my everything to work things out.
ill keep the next logic talk for the next post.
still have smth in mind ..
if u actually made it this far reading this thanks for baring with my pictureless posts and u can skip all these long post if u feel like it is a waste of time.

these are my idealogy.
ill stand by what i believe.

1914

ok this is bad ...
this morning i was woken up by my sis
she said there was a phone call that was looking for me urgently from cmpb..

moment i heard cmpb + urgent = wah shit ...

some inspector called me and said that im supposed to be enlisted to NS on the 12th of december
which is like what, 5 days away wtf ?

so supposingly i need to go to the army 5 days away from now.
the thing is i did not receive my medical checkup letter in october and i didnt receive my letter of enlistment ...

so later today ill need to go nafa and try to make them spit out a letter of deferment by tmr morning or later today..
and meet this inspector at cmpb at 10am tmr .. wtf ..

im not even sure if it would be a successful deferment ..
if not ill have to withdraw from nafa and go ns ...

o well ..
not that i hate going to ns now or smth but it is better if i complete my diploma first ..

arg

1154

7am hehe ...

back home not long ago from mah jong ..
won 15 bucks :D
last round made me turn the tide ..

5 folds self made ....
$19.20

meaning i was losing before the last round ...
well ...
shiock :D


anyway i watched zombie land with fazli ..
fucking awesome show ...
so much humor and so much gore ..
and a pretty girl with a lil tint of love story inside ...
my type of awesome show ...

well go catch it if u can !!!

soccer later on !!!!

chow ...

0723

been awhile since i slept so long :D

i slept like from 2100- 1330

got a whole series of weird nonsensical shitty blank nude dreams ..
for some reason this women with saggy boobs appeared in my dream..
HAHAHAHAHHAHA

but anyways ... ill be meeting fazli for some movie later ...
and he is going to pass me L4D2 !!!!!
YAY !!!!
its good to have friends who LOVE getting pirated stuff...
and it can be played on garena too :D

ok chow .. update l8er

1636

i did not sleep last night .. im super tired ...
i went suntec today..
max and danny at my place now, think might be leaving to danny's place soon.
then imma get some rest and relaxation and shut eyes..

2004

god im so tired now ...
lazy vibes ..

still too lazy to start working on my blog..

im feeling abit better now but nose still runny..

I realised it today ... no wonder ...
ill just stay passive on this issue..
it will do me no harm ..

1225



the 3rd of every month,
a date that used to mean a lot to me.
a new milestone..
but now it just signify the 3rd day of the month .. ok lame ..

still, wtf am i doing playing wow till the wee hours ..
stupid dream woke me up at 230am ..


im so going to die early ..
maybe i should write a will soon ..

0503


another day is coming to an end ...
damn ... holidays are really boring ...
i think ill put a serious thought into getting a job my next holiday ..

weird ..
i cant feel the christmas mood yet ...

the thought of another lonely christmas and lonely valentine makes me pissed ..
haha .. o well ..

good night everyone, im prolly not gonna slp till 3-4am or later

1137

please let me be better when i wake up...
stupid fever and flu ..

sometimes when u're sick u'd just wish that u can see a smile from ur loved ones.
well thats me at least..

0457


a sudden rush of emotions..
will my feelings screw up my december ?


1318

another boring day..
lazy lazy ...

its been awhile since i last said this but .. i think im going to reconstruct my blog ...
maybe abit more simple and less wordy... ill start after i wake up or smth ...
does that mean i need to find new pictures already ?
damn ...
im not zi lian anymore ..
ive seen my limits :(




jealous at everyone else for having the stuff that i dun have.
zzz

facebook is so boring recently ..
feel like stiring some shit up ...

0134

I just got a severe scolding from my father for rotting at home..
im feeling quite sick to be honest but i cant be bothered defending myself...
i dun even feel like going out..
and im suppose to go for this job interview ..

i think ill pass..

it feels like i have been awoken from a dream
and reality just smacked me in the face.
i actually spent 20 mins in my toilet spacing out..
thinking of crap..

i never thought i would shed another tear because of the past again..
seems like all these while i was still hiding from it..

i have a severe migraine now ..
damn it ..

guess i still have a long way to go..
time is such a slow paced medicine ..

1308

Kenneth Ng
070990
Ken_silentmode@hotmail.com

Kenneth Ng

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